For Everyone Who Worries About The Kids In Their Lives Who Worry

Friday, October 22, 2010


So my wonderful husband and I were blessed with the opportunity tonight to go out and have dinner together - alone - no kids! Ahhhh.... Life is good.

During our dinner together, we had time to talk about some of the things that have been going on in our lives over the past couple of weeks. And because I am truly blessed with a husband who cares for me and how I am feeling, I found out that he was very upset about some unpleasant interactions I had to deal with in the past week. He was not only concerned for me and how I was dealing with the events, but he was also confused about how I was handling them. Or in his eyes, how I was not handling them.

I'm not sure when the change in me occurred, but I am much less verbal and much more active in my approach to changing my world. I'm not interested in making people see my opinion and trying to convince them to make it their own. I'm much more conscience of creating change by my everyday life and how I live it. If someone disagrees with me or finds fault with me, I am actually OK with that. I don't have this intense need to prove I am right and they are wrong. I'd rather just continue to let me be me and let others be who they are. If they learn something from me or can become more positive because of witnessing my attitude (at the right moment of course!) than that is so much more gratifying than thinking I proved them wrong in a shouting match, argument, or debate.

I just don't feel the need as much to defend my opinions. If I believe in something or want to change something, I DO something. I don't waste time "preaching to the choir" or trying to get everyone to see things my way. I have found that the best way to make a change is to DO something about it. Not talk about it, preach about it, argue about it, complain about it, debate about it...but do something about it.

Now don't get me wrong. If I need to, I can take a stance and stand my ground very strongly. And don't even get me started when it comes to my kids. I'll fight for anything for them. But there really is just this huge shift in me as of late that doesn't want to prove that "my thinking is right and yours is wrong." Because the truth of the matter is that some of the things I was convinced were absolute truths five years ago are complete falsehoods to me now. I grow. I change. I see the world with different eyes. And my opinions, my outlook, and my beliefs sometimes change with the tides of my life.

I've always found it funny when people yell at a football coach for being awful or blame a president for all of the country's present woes. Really? Are you strong enough - brave enough - crazy enough to run an entire team; and entire country on your own? Are you telling me without a doubt that you could do better? Until you are in someone else's position completely, you really have no idea what you are talking about.

So, do I have my own opinions and beliefs? Of course I do! Will these opinions and beliefs be the same five years from now? I don't know. But that is the beauty of being a listener and a learner - and not a fighter and an "all knowing" debater. I am willing to grow, and learn from others. I'm not afraid to say "I don't know" and use that to explore further. And I don't need to prove someone wrong in order to feel validated or secure in my own beliefs. I'm a soul living in a human body and I am on this earth to make it a better place for all souls - not just for me.

Maybe this makes sense to you, or maybe it does not. That is OK. It is just the way I feel at this present moment. As I told my husband - my loving partner who was afraid that I was not standing up for myself and that I was being treated unfairly - I just don't want to spend any more energy on being negative. I don't want to waste my time trying to change others by telling them why they are wrong and I am right. I know who I am. I know what I value and what I believe. I choose to focus on the positive. I'm not going to let negative energy bring me down. I don't want to use my time in this world to keep fighting off that negative energy. I'd rather give out as much positive energy as I can. That is my strategy for standing up for myself and fighting back. I don't want to live at that lower negative frequency. It doesn't do me any good to build my strength or power with that kind of energy.

And besides, being positive about everything really annoys the hell out of negative people. What better revenge in this world is there than that!

May your heart be at ease,
Angela सन्तोष

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Friends are Forever

Seriously. How can I be this lucky? I had friends over tonight that I haven't seen in over a year. One thing led to another and we weren't able to get together lately. But we got together tonight. And you know what? It was like we have never been apart.

Conversation flowed easily and we laughed and talked like we saw each other just yesterday. Our kids played with each other like they have seen each other in class every day. What a great night!

Why? Because these are friends who cared. These are friends who were there when life was tough. These friends have seen me through the worst of times and the best of times. These are friends who have cried with me, rejoiced with me, and have been deep down, stripped down, honest with me. They have lived with me through life's transormations. They have had their experiences in life that bring you so far down that the only place to go is up. They have experienced that the challenges we face in life are the ones that make us grow....that change us into the wonderful beings we are now.

How wonderful it is to have friends that understand that life is crazy and that everyday contact sometimes gets lost. It doesn't mean you don't love them and aren't thinking of them. It just means that you are doing what you talked about for hours on end...being married, having children, building a family, loving life.

The universe gives you people in your life for all the times in your life. But the divine also gives you people that are meant to stay in your life. These are the people who won't leave you no matter what. The people who have learned that having the most impressive house, the finest things, or the the most prestigious job mean nothing. But having the family and friends that will stay with you and support you through anything is what matters most.

One of these friends told me once that my dream was coming. It was just on a local train rather than an express train. I will never forget that. Because I have since gotten off the express train and am very happy to be on the local train. To live life day by day and enjoy all that each day brings.

So thank you to all my dear friends. Thank you for being my treasured friends even if we aren't able to talk every day, every week, every month. Because you know that I, we, are always there for each other...a thought, a prayer, a phone call. Because when you have this kind of connection, there really is nothing that can break it.
I love you. Thank you for all you have done for me and continue to do for me. My hope is to continue to give back to you.

May your heart be at ease,
Angela सन्तोष

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me?

Wow. 41. Crazy. How did that happen??? I don't feel 41, so it doesn't really affect me that much. I'm just happy to have this day to celebrate with my family and friends, and to be thankful for all the wonderful gifts I have been given in my life. I am truly blessed.

So blessed, that at the age of 41 I still was able to spend the day yesterday with my mom and dad. We went shopping for some clothes for me and out to dinner together with my kids. When the wine was poured and the order was taken, my parents ever so wonderfully began to offer up a toast to me. But here is where being 41 and a mom of two children has brought me. I didn't feel that I should be the one getting the toast on my birthday. Even though I am honored to feel their love and their pride in me, on the anniversary of my birth, they are the ones that deserve the toast. For it is largely because of them that I am, who I am, today.

So on my birthday, I want to give that toast to my parents. Only now that I have been blessed with two beautiful children of my own, can I fully appreciate all they have done for me - and in awe, say thank you.

Thank you for choosing to have me. For the extreme pain it took, mom, to get me into this world! For getting up with me in the middle of the night when I was still a baby and needed your constant care. Thank you for feeding me, changing me, and keeping a roof over my head. Thank you for working hard and providing for my every need. Thank you for selling some of your treasured possessions - your wedding gown, class ring - when times were tough and your family was in need. Thank you for giving me sisters and a brother to share with, fight with, grow with, and love.

Thank you for taking the leap to move to a house when the apartment got too small for the five of us. For helping me to get on the bus that first day and know that I was strong enough to face that big school all on my own. Thank you for sacrificing so much to send all five of us to Catholic school for a chance at a better education than the one being provided for in our hometown. Thanks for having family dinners with us every night and giving us the chance to sit together and talk about our day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening to the five of us whine, cry, complain, fight and tattle every day - and then still tuck us in, give us kisses, and love us every night.

Thank you for figuring out how to take five kids in a small car anywhere and everywhere. And also for agreeing to bring a friend along for the ride. Thank you for taking us on vacations every summer and not strangling us for saying 100 times "are we there yet?" Thank you for spending everything you didn't have to give us fabulous Christmas's every year - even though it is really the traditions that you gave us that our now most important and dear to our hearts.

Thank you for coming to all my school concerts, plays, fairs, parent nights and shows with a big smile on your face like you would rather be no where else in the world. Thank you for sacrificing your own time to make sure that I had the perfect dress to where, science project, Halloween costume, book report....

Thank you for having the patience to teach me how to brush my teeth, ride a bike, hit a ball, write my name, curl my hair, play the guitar, tie my shoes, read a book, drive a car. And for being so excited when I did.

Thank you for finding a way to pay the medical bills when I was constantly sick as a kid. For rearranging your life to be with me and take care of me at home and in the hospital when I was ill or in need of surgery.

Thank you for making every birthday so special. With a decorated house to wake up to in the morning and a favorite dinner to eat together at night. Thank you for continuing to play the role of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny even when your children were coming home from college to celebrate.

Thank you for encouraging me to reach for the top in high school. To overcome my fears and see that I could do it. Thank you for supporting me to go away to college and then always providing a home to come back to. For making me feel that I could accomplish anything and for being so proud when I did. Thank you for helping me to move 10 times in 10 years and for being there through all of my triumphs and disappointments.

Thank you for my beautiful wedding day. For waiting 28 hours in the waiting room for your grandson to be born. For treating my children like they are God's gift - and for truly believing they are. Thank you for always being only a phone call and a car ride away. And for always saying I love you before saying goodbye.

Thank you for giving up so much to raise my siblings and me. A bigger house, a new car, vacations, dinners out, new clothes, financial security. For sharing one bathroom with five kids for 20+ years. Thank you for the sleepless nights spent worrying how to pay the bills, and for the second and third jobs that would eventually pay them. Thank you for giving everything you had and more so that I could have a wonderful life full of love, family, friends, and treasured memories.

You gave up part of your own life so that I could have mine, and for that I am truly grateful.

For all of these things and for so much more, I send my birthday wishes to you mom and dad. For you deserve the congratulations and good wishes on this day. 41 years ago you started a long, hard, wonderful journey - and I am so very thankful and blessed that you did. My gift to you is to now do the same for my own kids. I can only pray that I do as well as you both did.

I love you with all of my heart.

May your heart be at ease,
Angela सन्तोष